Styled by Staci Lanham and Janelle Erlichman Diamond
Photography by David Colwell
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A wedding invitation is like a first meeting—it's all about that initial impression. Invitations—and initially the save-the-dates—give guests a little taste of your wedding style.
Some couples demand imported, handmade papers. Others want flashy, bold colors or several layers of transparent paper. And for some, nothing but letterpress will do.
"People don't want the same thing that their mother had or their grandmother had," says Janet Kratfel, custom printing manager at Greetings & Readings in Hunt Valley. "Brides want invitations to reflect their personality and the formality of their wedding. In general, people are doing something contemporary, something that really stands out."
Of course, etiquette has always governed the world of wedding invitations. Multiple books specify everything from the wording to the precise paper size—5.5 by 7.5 inches. But not everybody takes note of etiquette-book rules anymore.
"We do a lot of square invitations with fold-overs and pockets," says Ellene Pomerantz, owner of Write Style Inc. of Lutherville. "A lot of people have their own ideas as to what they want. My job is to make it tasteful and keep it as cost-effective as possible."
Other things to remember:
• An "adult" event: Some want to specify that the reception is an adults-only affair. This is particularly important to some couples in more formal evening weddings, because they fear the noise and fidgeting will be a distraction. It's impolite to state "No children" on the invitation. But on the response card, in the area where it says "Accept" or "Decline," you can put "Number of adults." This will be clear to most people.
• Color: As opposed to the traditional ivory or ecru paper, some brides use bold splashes of color on their invitations. One bride, Pomerantz says, "wanted lime-green paper, chocolate, and copper. And it's beautiful. It really is. I never would have thought of it. But it's really nice."
• The 'Thank You' cards: Instead of buying notes that say "thank you" on the front, many couples are opting for notes with the names or monograms of the bride and groom. It is really married stationery—if you are done with all your thank you notes, they can be used for anything.
While many rules are routinely ignored, some should be followed. Save-the-date notices generally are mailed four to six months ahead of time. Invitations are mailed about six to 12 weeks before the wedding. For 150 invitations, couples can spend as little as $500, or $3 a piece. But options—such as layers of paper or engraving—can change the price. Similarly, Pomerantz suggests budgeting $8 to $15 per invitation.
Many couples favor engraved invitations. "Engraving is a darker, crisper color," says Melissa Taylor, owner of Belvedere Square's Simply Noted. With engraving, the plate is etched in reverse and pressed into the back of the paper. The result is that words are raised slightly above the surface of the paper.
Letterpress is another popular option. "It's an old form of printing that's come full circle," Taylor says. With letterpress, the words are pressed into the front of the paper.
Textured paper can be used with engraving, and letterpress actually works better on textured papers.
Also, the more economical method, thermography—a printing process that mimics the look of engraving—is attractive and considered an acceptable alternative. "For the price point, it gives you the look without the price," Taylor explains. "It is a shinier look than engraving."
More and more couples are asking for colored paper that coordinates with their wedding design. "We still do classic invitations," Taylor says. "But we do a lot more that are contemporary and colorful and unique. People see it as style. It sets the tone for what the wedding is going to be like."
Often the bride's colors are on menus and place cards as well as the invitations. Motifs such as flowers and birds are featured on the paper. "They'll carry that throughout everything they do," Taylor explains.
In recent years, couples have favored invitations with envelope-like folds for the miscellaneous information, such as direction cards or response cards.
One popular paper is vellum—defined in dictionaries as a parchment prepared from calfskin, lambskin, or kidskin. Today's vellum is a translucent paper made of cotton or wood pulp. But vellum is hard to manipulate, some calligraphers and printers will tell you, and the inks may fade after only a few years.
The Laborious Part
For all of their organizational skills, most couples forget about that whole neat-handwriting-addressing-envelope thing. And so along with budgeting for invitations and favors, many who are penmanship-challenged are also hiring calligraphers to address envelopes—one of the first steps in the wedding process. But it isn't long into the process that couples discover an elaborate labyrinth of invitation etiquette.
The etiquette
Here are some examples of rules and guidelines found in various etiquette books:
• If the wedding is at a club or home, "the pleasure of your company" is used.
For weddings held in religious institutions, it is "the honour of your presence."
• When parents are paying for the wedding, their name goes on the invitation: i.e., "Mr. and Mrs. John Jones request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter." But it may be that the parents aren't paying for everything. Often, the couple pays for some of the expenses. So couples might want to negotiate the wording this way: "Miss Mary Jones and Mr. Mark Smith, together with their families, request the pleasure of your company."
• If a wedding is a formal, evening affair held after 6 p.m., the invitation should say, "black tie" in the right-hand corner. Some invitations are more relaxed: "black tie optional," or "black tie preferred."
• Invitations for outdoor weddings should include mention of alternate plans for the ceremony in the event of rain.
• The date of the wedding is written out: Friday, the fifth of August.
• If the name of the state is on the invitation, it is written out, not abbreviated.
• Instead of using RSVP, more formal wording can be used: "The favour of a reply is requested."
But with all their formality, invitations can also be extremely informal. Some couples design web pages for their wedding and list their registries online. Couples with web pages often include their site on save-the-date cards.
They also save money by sending invitations for the numerous other events orbiting the wedding—the engagement party, the shower, the rehearsal dinner, the bachelor party—using the evite.com site.
Other than resorting to online invitations, there are ways to cut costs. If a couple wants calligraphy but can't afford it, a calligrapher can be hired to produce one proof. Then they take it to a professional printer, who copies the work on invitation-quality paper.
The cost of a calligrapher simply addressing envelopes is typically $1.50 for each envelope or $2.50 each for both inner and outer envelopes.
For invitations, Taylor says couples usually spend $700 to $1,200 for 100 invitations with standard envelopes and reply cards.
