The cake, the flowers, the venue, the dress, the invitations—are they important? Sure. Are they everlasting? No.

Then what is important, once the pageantry is past?

"What is spoken and sung during the wedding ceremony," answers Baltimore wedding consultant Alexander Karas, of Alexanderltd.com.

Sometimes lasting several minutes, and other times taking over an hour, the ceremony comprises that critical moment when eager grooms and hopeful brides are officially established as husband and wife.

So, whoever officiates that transition, in turn, has the power to make or break a wedding ceremony—or a marriage, for that matter, according to Karas, who has seen more than 1,000 weddings in his career.

"Choosing an officiant is probably one of the most important decisions besides who will be the spouse," Karas says frankly.

 An officiant can set the tone for a marriage, he says, "not just for the ceremony, but also for the relationship."

He says that guests and newlyweds remember the officiant's message—if it is meaningful and pertinent—far longer than any of the painstakingly procured material details of a wedding celebration.

"Couples should start looking for an officiant as soon as they are engaged," says Elizabeth Bailey, of Elizabeth Bailey Weddings and Events. "What the officiant says is important to the feel of the entire ceremony."

Where to begin? "Start with any kind of affiliation you have with anyone in your family," says Bailey, who has been in the business for 23 years. "If it's someone you know, it's so much more personal."

Jennifer Maddern and James Hamilton took that advice to heart and decided to have James' sister, Michelle Kershner, perform the wedding ceremony. "From the beginning, we were turned on to the concept of having a family member perform the ceremony," Hamilton says. "We wanted a small wedding and we felt it was a more personal gesture—and that it would mean more to us." So when it came down to deciding who would do the honors, Maddern suggested Kershner. "She was the first person that popped in my head, and I knew she would be perfect. She's just a great public speaker," she says.

However, Kershner was not ordained and Maryland marriage laws say only ordained ministers—who are affiliated with an established church—can perform religious wedding ceremonies. But after plenty of research, Maddern and Hamilton realized that Maryland is very liberal with those rules, so Kershner could easily be ordained online. 

"The state of Maryland is not in the position to decide who does—or doesn't—qualify as a church," says Stuart Cordish, Assistant Attorney General to the Maryland Office of Courts and Judicial Affairs. "So we don't find anything wrong with online ordainments."

Websites like ordainmenow.org, organized by the First Nation Ministry, and ulc.org, organized by the Universal Life Church, offer online ordainments and provide the paperwork proof necessary to legally wed a couple in most states—Maryland being one of the them. So how popular are these online ordainments?

Cordish says he doesn't think they are becoming terribly popular. And Bailey hasn't come across any online-ordained officiants with her clients. "I've heard of that happening," she says, "but I don't know much about it."

For couples who don't want a mail-order officiant or family member, Bailey suggests contacting your place of worship.

Karas says some churches perceive the duty of marrying a couple as "an investment" in the future of the church, and therefore the clergy will spend time cultivating the relationship prior to the wedding day. He warns, however, that this could entail several commitments from the couple, including pre-marital counseling.

In general, he says, "Choosing [an officiant] that is on your same spiritual wavelength is very important."

If couples still have no luck after visiting their local place of worship, Bailey recommends asking for a personal recommendation from a venue or wedding planner. And as a last resort, she suggests searching the Internet.

Brian and Pam Stauffer surfed the Internet for a local wedding officiant because they felt that was their only option next to flipping through the Yellow Pages and making cold calls. Of all the sites they visited, that of Reverend Hope McNew, recommended by a friend, stood out to them. Brian says he felt an immediate rapport with the woman in the picture and was very impressed with the listed testimonials. "From her picture, she seemed like a very nice person, laid back, and easy-going," says Brian.

And she was. "We met with her three times before the wedding," he says. "She was always available." McNew also brought the Stauffers plenty of materials to look over, to help them decide what kind of ceremony they wanted. "Once we put everything together," he recalls, "she looked over everything and inserted transitions to help it flow better." Overall, he says everything was a success. "We absolutely loved it, and everyone loved her."

If you don't know where to begin online, Baltimore's Knot.com lists several local officiants with brief descriptions and links to their websites.

Yet another option when considering officiants is to have a civil ceremony. This means the state officiates the wedding, rather than a church, temple, or mosque. In Maryland specifically, civil marriages are officiated by a deputy clerk of the Circuit Court.  

Once a couple has narrowed down the list of possible officiants, their next step is to spend time with their top choices.

Bailey recommends personally meeting two or three officiants before making a final decision.

Bailey says an officiant fee can cost anywhere from $200 to $1,000. She also says a list of questions isn't always necessary, because "most officiants have a guideline of questions." She adds, "But if the couple feels in doubt, they can ask for what he has said at past weddings, and he will probably be able to give them a text."